Snow

Snow. White. Pure. Clean. Bright.

I feel like snow is what I need right now. A washing, a cleansing. Purifying me and my life of all that is hard, dark, heavy...

Why God. Just Why.

Please let there be snow for Christmas this year. Let there be snow not only on the ground, but let what snow represents be in the lives of those I love. We need cleansing, purifying, and your redemption. There is so much evil, so much darkness, so much hate, so much filth on so many levels in the world. Purify us!

Snow.

"so go DOWNTOWN. things will be great when you're DOWNTOWN..."

Today was one of the best days I've had in Haiti! First off, my next door ROOSTER didn't wake me up this morning at 4 am--definitely getting off to a good start. Next, today is my day off, which means I get to hang out with the awesome people downstairs (i.e. other people who work here but I don't get to hang out with on a regular basis). Then, I walked to the grocery store and got food (I love food). After that, one of our Haitian friends came over and we got Ashley a new phone. And the BEST part is next: the two of us, me and my friend Frantzdy, took a bus downtown and bought my family Christmas gifts (To be read in a sing-songy voice) in downtown PaP. That was really fun--bartering and looking at all the artifacts. Then he gave me a mini tour of the monuments and such; during part of the tour we sat on a playground in one of the parks and chatted. We decided to walk around a bit more and then looked for a bus to take us back to Petionville, however, it was really hard to find one as they were either full or were not going the right direction.  Soooo, we started walking back to Pville. By the time we were barely out of downtown area, we realized that it was dark and that Pville really is quite a ways to walk...so we hopped on a motorcycle taxi and came home.

It was really quite exciting and I feel so much more Haitian now!

BUT what I'm REALLY excited about is my Christmas gifts for my family!! Can I just say that this Christmas is going to be the BEST CHRISTMAS EVAAARRR!!!! I get to see my family AND give them cool Haitian things. :) I'm so excited!!!

Musings

I just want to eat Haiti. I feel this so strongly sometimes. I desire to experience it more, deeply, soak in everything that is Haitian. This is the first time I’ve ever tackled living in another country, it takes time to soak up experiences. Even back in the States when I experienced something new, I felt the same thing but nothing was as big as a completely new country with a different culture and language. Speaking about language, I realized that I can and will speak Kreyol as I am, speak it from me, coming from who I am. I will choose my words as I do in English—I don’t talk like everyone else—I choose my own lingo and define things my own way. I am free to do and will do the same in Kreyol. In that way, I’m glad I look different. I speak from who I am. Speaking of looking different, I am blan. Not necessarily color as it was explained to me by Yvelyne and Glaphira when Glaphira said “Sak pase, Blan?” to me in the DR. Rather, Blan means an open mind.  I am open minded and that will never change the more I become part of Haitian culture or the more American I am. I am becoming more secure and aware of who I am and not being afraid to admit it, own it, express it without apology.

Actually, if I think about it, I want to eat God, I want to eat Life. To experience it, to live it fully, to taste it, feel it, let it fill me and change me.

GOD!! I WANT TO LIVE!!! Nothing has consumed me with my passion to Live, to really truly live. To Live is Christ. It is experiencing God and nothing less that will fulfill that desire to Live!!

I want to SAY. By the time I leave Haiti, I want to be able to Say, to truly be Alive. To not be afraid of who I am. To be able to express my thoughts. To say. Maybe someday I will learn to speak, to express, to say.

GOD! Let me experience you! You are Life. In you is Life. Apart from you I can do nothing. I can know nothing. Apart from you is death, whether or not I have the breath of life. AGAIN, LORD! Let me experience YOU!!!

O Come, Emmanuel

Come, Emmanuel-listen while you read 

O Come, COME, Emmanuel!!

And ransom me. Redeem me. Abide with me, Thou Great Jehovah.

God with us. 

Please take time to consider this great miracle. 

Is this our plea?? Is this your heart's cry, my beloved ones? It must be or we have no life at all. In Him is Life and apart from Him you are nothing. NOTHING. You do not possess even yourself: breath, body, friends, family, possessions. 

                                  

                                   God with us.

Does this amaze you? Does it cause you to fall on your face in reverence, in gratitude--deep, heart-throbbing gratitude? If it does not, take time to consider where you would be without the great miracle of God becoming flesh, dying for sins he didn't commit, and becoming alive after dying! Or perhaps consider where you are, in your desperate need for Him. If that is where you are, oh loved one, call out to HIM!! Echo with the song

                                   O Come O COME, Emmanuel!!

My God is SO BIG!

...So strong and so mighty there's nothing my God cannot do FOR YOU!

My God is SO BIG, so Strong and so Mighty there's nothing my God cannot do FOR YOU!!!

It's a children's song, yes. But isn't it those with that child-like faith that Jesus says will enter His Kingdom? Maybe it's a childish song, but it is simple, true, and straight to the point.

My fellow Warriors, please pray this for me:
Ephesians 3:14-19 "For this reason I bow my knees to the Father, from whom every family in heaven and earth derives it's name, that He would grant you, according to the riches of His glory, to be strengthened with power through His Spirit in the inner man, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith; and that you, being rooted and grounded in love, may be able to comprehend with all the saints what is the breadth and length and height and depth, and to know the love of Christ which surpasses knowledge, that you may be filled up to all the fullness of God."

Please bow on your knees and ask the Holy Spirit to grant me this inner strength and power to understand His love for me. For the purpose of living fully, having a full life. "Empower me; strengthen me so I can understand Your love for me!" This is my plea--it is power from His Spirit in my inner being to do this. And this is something that He must grant--I cannot work for it, or earn it, or do something to get it (which is hard for someone who is so task and solution oriented). He must grant it of His own accord.

Thank you, my fellow Kingdom Seekers.
Keep your heart set on things that are above (i.e Eternal) and pray that for me as well!
Remember that our God IS SO BIG, so Strong and so Mighty there's nothing our God cannot do FOR YOU!

Time for life

On our many treks between St. Trinitè in down town Port-au-Prince and where we live at St. Jacques in Pètion-ville, I observe the people. They walk. They sell things. They are out and about. Talking.

I see conversations happening. People taking time to talk to each other. There is time. Time to rest and talk and even if you're busy, there is not the pressure to get things done.

It's the Caribbean, mate...gotta experience it. It'll change your life. The Western World is not the entire world, mate. Time to experience a different culture is time worth taking.

Please, take time to live life and don't squelch it with "things that you have to do".

I DROVE IN HAITI!!!

And if you don't know what that entails, let me enlighten you:

Haitian Rules of the Road book:

Chapter 1 "Communication on the Road"
Honk before you do anything

Honk when you intend to but don't do anything

Honk when you want to pass, let another driver in, tell them to get out of the way, etc

Honk when you want to communicate anything to anyone

Honk when you feel like honking

Feel free to honk as long and as loud and whatever rhythm you desire

Personalized horns are awesome so get one

Honk to your hearts content

Hand signals should be used whenever possible in addition to honking.

Chapter 2 "Road Signs and Signals"
Stop signs are definitely optional

Look, Honk and Go is the name of the game.

Yellow light means hit the gas.

If you have a turn signal, you can use it, otherwise just honk and use hand signals.

Chapter 2 "Speed"
The smoothness of the road determines your speed

If there's no one around, hit the gas pedal

Go fast and honk your horn and people move out of your way

Chapter 3 "Chaotic is a Matter of Opinion"
There are a lot of people around, so stick to your guns

Don't ever let a tap-tap get in front of you

Be nice, but not too nice.

There is no such thing as tailgating.

U-turns are a must.

Traffic happens.

PAY ATTENTION ALL THE TIME!!!

END OF RULES OF THE ROAD

So let me just clarify that is very exciting, quite intimidating, and definitely a challenge. Let's just say it's a really good thing that I pay attention when I'm driving with others and am observant on how things are done here. After the fact, the person who asked me to drive told me that the area I drove in was the worst place to drive in Haiti, so if I can drive there, I can drive anywhere.

Crazy Love

In Church this morning we read the passage where Jesus tells the rich young man to go and sell everything he has and give to the poor, then he will have treasure in heaven. And you know what I noticed? “Jesus looked at him and loving him said, …” He loved the young man and THAT was why Jesus told him to go and sell everything he had. Jesus knew that giving everything, living a radical life, a life not of comfort but of danger and selflessness, was what was best and most eternally rewarding.

Ode to a Bucket Bath

Ode to a Bucket Bath

By Ashley and Sisi

How refreshing and cool

When your contents rush over my skin

As though a dip in a pool

With my eyes shut tight I feel the rush

Of cold and of delight

My spirit and body you replenish

I lather the soap with bubbles and joy

Messaging away sadness and filth

For this style of bath, you cannot be coy

Oh my bucket bath, I sense your allure

As I stand here dripping

I am baptized by your cure

What love, what euphoria!

Peace overwhelms my heart

As I sing Halleluiah, Gloria!

When Jesus is my portion...

Why should I feel discouraged, why should the shadows come,
Why should my heart be lonely, and long for heaven and home,
When Jesus is my portion, My constant friend is He:
His eye is on the sparrow, and I know He watches me;
His eye is on the sparrow, and I know He watches me.

“Let not your heart be troubled,” His tender word I hear,
And resting on His goodness, I lose my doubts and fears;
Though by the path He leadeth, but one step I may see;
His eye is on the sparrow, and I know He watches me;
His eye is on the sparrow, and I know He watches me.

Whenever I am tempted, whenever clouds arise,
When songs give place to sighing, when hope within me dies,
I draw the closer to Him, from care He sets me free;
His eye is on the sparrow, and I know He watches me;
His eye is on the sparrow, and I know He watches me.
 
I sing because I’m happy,
I sing because I’m free,
For His eye is on the sparrow,
And I know He watches me.

This song says everything that I've felt today, really for the first time since leaving home...

Tét Chaje

BONJOU!!!
Tét chaje deja. SVP, w'ap tounen demen. Mesi anpil.

This is the sign on my door. Or will be as soon as Ashley and I make it. LOL

Translation:
GOOD MORNING!!!
My head has reached maximum capacity already. Please return tomorrow. Thank you very much.

Yeah, so that's been my state for about the past week and I'm not really sure what to do accept feel like an idiot when my brain freezes and I can no longer speak English, Creole, or remember what I'm saying in either language. Argh.

Today, Ashley and I went to the bookstore and LOOKED AT BOOKS! (Thank you, Captain Obvious).  But is was actually really cool: I saw a book of 999 Haitian Proverbs in English and Creole. Here is the proverb that struck me in the right way (funny how the right Haitian proverb seems to pop up just when I need it)

"Fók ou aprann p'pou konprann: si ou pa aprann w'ap rete déyé"
Translation:
You must learn to understand: if you don't learn, you will stay behind

Funny how often the opposite of how you feel is what you must learn/do. My current situation is a perfect example. I can feel myself growing and stretching and soaking up more and more. Now the challenge is figuring out what to do when your sponge is full. If you have any advice, please feel free to share!

On another note, I find it quite entertaining that no matter what, whenever I try to speak Creole Haitians laugh. I'm not sure if they're laughing cuz it's good or bad or just plain funny. I'm ok with it, it just cracks me up. AND whenever I speak Creole or do anything, Haitians are like, "Li inteligánt" (she's intelligent with maybe correct spelling--haha, that's ironic to the statement). Anyway, just an entertaining fact for the day.

Please leave advice or thoughts or random comments below. OR you can just read this and move on to something else. OR you can not read this at all and never know what you're missing! ORRRR...I have nothing else...Tét chaje.

Live and Love, my friends!

Kreyol in action

This may be the first day I begin to feel at home in Haiti. Today Ashley (the other volunteer from the States) and I went “out on the town” to explore and find our way around. This guy comes up along side us and passes us but says Bonjou so I replied the same and then he was saying something more to Ashley who was in front of me so I asked him what he was saying and then he starts speaking a bit of English (hows that for a runon sentence?). Anyway, he pretty much accompanied us the whole time we were out and I think Creole started sticking today by me trying to speak to him and by him speaking to me. This group of kids even stopped us to talk to us and tell us about this fundraiser they were having and I understood some of it. It was fun, actually and I quite feel at home now. I also discovered, if I’m trying to hear and understand Creole and I’m thinking in English, it doesn’t work out so well. Gotta start thinking in Creole or just turn off the thinking. I’m excited to get to the point where I don’t have to think so hard about what they’re saying to understand. Cuz right now, I have to be looking at them, listening closely, and thinking hard about what they’re saying in order to get it—and sometimes I don’t even get it, but oh well.

I am blessed.

I am blessed. In so many ways. I have people whom I love and who love me. I have a place to stay, food to eat, and I am learning so much. My life is changing, everyday I grow. It's so ironic that Life teaches you as you live it. I realized something big (for me anyway) yesterday: I've always thought that life is preparing and then performing (just like you do for a recital or concert), but it's not at all that way. Rather life is a continual learning process--you can never be fully "prepared" for the unexpected (otherwise, it wouldn't be unexpected), nor can you be fully "ready" for the unknown (otherwise it wouldn't be unknown). There's not place to learn better than in the thick of it, whatever "It" is: learning a language, performing a new piece, moving to a foreign country, doing a new sport or activity.

I've also been learning what to expect from myself. It's been a huge adventure, that's for sure! The accusation voice has been much more silent recently and it's amazingly freeing! This brings me to something else I've learned: when life becomes "goal-oriented", one loses sight of people, including self. Everything becomes a chore, a task, something to accomplish. That's all well and good until you fall short and the guilt comes flooding in--I didn't meet that time constraint, I didn't reach that goal, I didn't accomplish such and such. "Plan-based" schedules only get you so far. "People-base" schedules, letting people guide the goals one sets, I've learned is a better approach.  Leave the goals open-ended and see what can be accomplished. For example, if I have a new piece to learn, instead of setting dates with specific goals in mind, I can do as much as I can and see where I get. Practicing becomes a motivation rather than a chore or a duty. The end goal is exciting rather than a cause of elation or of dissatisfaction (usually the latter). In this view, one can still push themselves but without it becoming self-defeating and discouraging. This is all so new to me, but I'm going to try it. I have a feeling it will change the way I practice, the way I do everything I learn in life, and the way I teach and what I expect of my students.

I love being in Haiti.

I spent this past week with the Reinhards. It was wonderful to be surrounded by people as crazy as me and have a surrogate family for a week! They are absolutely wonderful!!

I still have so much to learn and I look forward to my growth as a person, as a human being, as a teacher, as a musician, and everything else!

Feel free to ask for prayer in your post or if you'd rather email me to keep it private (k.klopfenstein88@gmail.com). I love each one of you so much, even if I don't know you and you're reading this, I love you. :) So feel free to be open. If there's one thing I love about the Haitians, they say exactly what they mean and are not afraid to express themselves.  Di sa ou vle (say what you want). For me personally, I would love prayer in my new "expectations" and working through my still insecure feelings about teaching and having no idea what I'm doing and feeling very inadequate. But as my sister reminded me the other day, I would not be here if God wouldn't be mightier than I and will somehow enable me to do what I need to do here.

Two weeks!!

I can't believe I've already been in Haiti two weeks! It seems like time stopped once I got here.
The people are wonderful. They are friendly, beautiful, generous people. I've already learned that they don't like silence, being alone is not valued or even possible (there are people everywhere), and the most important thing that I love the most about Haitian people is that they will find a way to get something done. Problems in life are inevitable, but that doesn't stop them from working their way through it or around it.
My students are excited about music. They erupt after a concert, they want to learn (most of them), and they're absolutely adorable. I'm catching on to some of the language--I have many willing teachers. :)
The schedule is rather hectic. Pretty much going full speed from 8-21:30--sometimes later. But the other volunteers are great, fun, and we've found time to have fun at the same time.
I find myself thinking about my next year here and having a slight sense of fear about not having the company of the other volunteers, being on my own (even though I know I won't be--the Haitian teachers are awesome and have been very welcoming), not knowing the language. But I will make it. I believe I am supposed to be here and God will provide. I will learn. I will change. And I have no idea what it will be like.
If you would like to pray for me, specifically, I need sleep or just rest and my body is very tired. And wisdom in how to interact with people--always a prayer request no matter where I am in the world. And ease with picking up the language and wisdom in adjusting to cultural changes, especially psychologically.
Thanks to all my friends. I love you!!
~Kelsey

Words of death and life.

Jesus came that we might have life—and have it abundantly!! Also, did you notice that nowhere in the bible does it say “God helps those who help themselves”. Nor does it imply that we have to do things on our own to somehow persuade God to help me. And it doesn’t say we have to work our tails off to get what we want or to do what God calls us to or anything else. You know what the Bible ACTUALLY says about what our level of action should be??

“…Trust in the Lord . . . Dwell . . . feed on His faithfulness . . . delight in the Lord . . . Commit your way to the Lord . . . Trust . . . Rest and wait . . . do not fret . . .” Those are the words of life (Psalm 37:1-8). America’s version and hence my version: “Work . . . work hard . . . don’t take a break . . . breaks are for losers . . . sleep is overrated . . . rest is for weaklings . . . you control your life . . . work harder . . . control yourself and your time and your life and your future . . . if you’re not doing anything, you’re worthless . . . activity . . . job . . . money . . . meet the expectations of a working, active, fast-paced world . . .” Words of death, no?

"Details"

I will be leaving July 12!
The summer camps (two) will be first and then I have about a month before school starts on September 10. During the school year, I will be teaching elementary kids, conducting the Jr. High orchestra, and teach some private students, to name a few things. I'm super excited! I honestly wish I knew more and was more experienced, but I guess there's only one way to get experience--plunge in head-first and just do it!

Change or die!

"God does not call the equipped; He equips the called."

I have officially graduated from Bradley University; I am no longer and never will be an undergraduate student again. For this I am beyond grateful. However, I am sad to be leaving SO MANY people I love. I feel like I am moving on before my time--so many conversations left un-conversed, so many relationships underdeveloped, just begun; so many hearts untapped, so many people I don't know well enough to say good-bye for a while. I love watching people grow and being there to encourage them and I won't be here to witness some of my closest friends and family grow.

Change is inevitable. "Change or die." "Nothing survives but change." My circle of influence is about to change. I have two options: 1. try to hold on to all that I know and clamp tight to those things I feel like I'm losing. 2. Embrace the impending change, the unknown, the new and unfamiliar. Obviously, the second option would be the healthier choice as I cannot in any way hold on to what is passed. And trusting that God works all things together for good, those conversations and relationships that I feel like I'm losing: what I cannot do, He will complete. I trust what has been done in the last year is enough and God will fill in where I have failed. He is not limited by my humanness.

And so I go on to Haiti. I choose to embrace every part of the change that it will entail. Am I afraid? I was. But I have absolute confidence in the One who has never failed me and He has cast out all need for fear.

yes, a blog...

This is my blog. To state the obvious. If I feel so moved, this is where I will keep you up to date as to my Haiti travels, life lessons, and insights. Feel free to follow or not. I won't be offended if your thoughts are, "yet another blog". Enjoy! :)