Musings

I just want to eat Haiti. I feel this so strongly sometimes. I desire to experience it more, deeply, soak in everything that is Haitian. This is the first time I’ve ever tackled living in another country, it takes time to soak up experiences. Even back in the States when I experienced something new, I felt the same thing but nothing was as big as a completely new country with a different culture and language. Speaking about language, I realized that I can and will speak Kreyol as I am, speak it from me, coming from who I am. I will choose my words as I do in English—I don’t talk like everyone else—I choose my own lingo and define things my own way. I am free to do and will do the same in Kreyol. In that way, I’m glad I look different. I speak from who I am. Speaking of looking different, I am blan. Not necessarily color as it was explained to me by Yvelyne and Glaphira when Glaphira said “Sak pase, Blan?” to me in the DR. Rather, Blan means an open mind.  I am open minded and that will never change the more I become part of Haitian culture or the more American I am. I am becoming more secure and aware of who I am and not being afraid to admit it, own it, express it without apology.

Actually, if I think about it, I want to eat God, I want to eat Life. To experience it, to live it fully, to taste it, feel it, let it fill me and change me.

GOD!! I WANT TO LIVE!!! Nothing has consumed me with my passion to Live, to really truly live. To Live is Christ. It is experiencing God and nothing less that will fulfill that desire to Live!!

I want to SAY. By the time I leave Haiti, I want to be able to Say, to truly be Alive. To not be afraid of who I am. To be able to express my thoughts. To say. Maybe someday I will learn to speak, to express, to say.

GOD! Let me experience you! You are Life. In you is Life. Apart from you I can do nothing. I can know nothing. Apart from you is death, whether or not I have the breath of life. AGAIN, LORD! Let me experience YOU!!!